I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
