Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
