Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
