3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
