You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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