I don't think brook has ever known best
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
