So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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