and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
