Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
