I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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