Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
