all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
