my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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