first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
