shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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