I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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