Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
