That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
