so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The air was thick with penises
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
