He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
