I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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