You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
