I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
