we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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