You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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