quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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