My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
