im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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