pedialite and red bull = repair kit
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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