they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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