Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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