At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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