Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
