New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
