All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
