neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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