I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
only if we run a train.
done.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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