At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
