Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
