one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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