great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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