I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
