I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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