I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
