Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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