Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
