im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
