Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
