Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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