i think my mom watched the whole time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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