I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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