I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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