The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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