i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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