your thong is hanging out like whoa
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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