So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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