I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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