"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
