I hate all girls vehemently.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
