I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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