In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
