took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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