OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
