Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
