3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
