i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
