that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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