I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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