i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
