the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
