She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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