my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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