she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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