I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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